An attempt at deeper integrity

This morning I woke up so mad. I would love to act like I didn’t know why I woke up so angry, but I can’t.  See what had happened was, someone told me something I had a clue about, but I refused to see. (Yes, Spider showed up to laugh and point at me.) As I continue to process what I was told, I want to kick my own ass for not listening to myself over the years.

Sadly there is no space for kicking my own ass these days, so here’s what I’ve learned from this joyful little experience:

1. Just because I choose to ignore my emotions, doesn’t mean they go away. They resurface covered in anger, frustration and hurt. Who wants to be ignored– especially when you are trying to help?

2. If I am focused on someone or something else, I am stuck and not really honoring my feelings. Who or whatever is usually a good clue about what my feelings are showing me. My feelings bring me closer to myself. They do not pit me against others.

3. The more I give myself space to feel and honor my emotions, the easier to support others in the same process. I notice that I am a much more patient mother when I listen to myself. The boys are usually easier on me too <3

All this anger has brought me closer to myself. By rooting into the feelings underneath my anger,  I’ve been reminded that I need to better respond to my intuitive nudges. When I feel something is off– I need to lean into why. Even if I don’t want anything to be off.

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