Attachment to crazy

Here I sit…

With a six month old sleeping on my back and a three year old spending the morning at summer camp I ponder my attachment to crazy.

How many times do I choose stress, anxiety and doing too much over joyful simplicity? How many times do I put too much on my back and on my plate to with the hopes of feeling like a “good mother”? Shoot, how many times do I deny myself support in hopes of feeling like a “good mother”? What are the boys learning from my choices?

Sometimes I make stress inducing decisions in hopes of satiating “little me”; meaning I choose things that I missed as a kid. Other times, I’m moving too quickly to see the results of my decision. Or, I just think that this is the way that Motherhood is and I should just get the fuck over it. In this moment, I am realizing that nothing has to be any specific way.

In this moment, I can see that when everything has it’s place, peace is the result. My challenge is allowing things to find their space so that peace can flow.

Do I allow space to hear how to best structure life? Do I allow wisdom to guide my parenting? Am I committed to peace or attached to the idea that Mothering has to be a stressful struggle?

Who knows. All I know is that in this moment all is well and I am glad.

Hope all is good with you <3

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