What’s My Magic For….

I often ponder what the hell I am here to do. I’ve always felt like I needed to be of some type of service. My challenge in life has been figuring out what service really is. I’ve got all this magic, what is it really for? What am supposed to be doing with it?

When I was younger, my magic seemed to be for making my dreams come true. This worked until I realized that the dreams I was living weren’t really my dreams at all. They belonged to someone else. I wasn’t being honest with myself. So my magic became about self discovery and reclaiming myself. I practiced lots of yoga, did lots of energy work and played with herbs. All this resulted in finding a place where I could be of service to the community and to friends. I understood what I brought to the table and relished sharing it. Unfortunately, life shifted and I lost myself. It was hard to let go of who I was because I didn’t know who I was becoming…. until I became pregnant. Suddenly, my magic wasn’t just for me anymore. It was a gift to those share; which brings me to the present moment.

My magic, Mama magic, is love. It’s love that protects, nurtures, comforts, harmonizes, cares for those in need.

 

Until the next time, be good to you

J

 

Third Trimester Shenanigans: Sleep… What sleep?!

Even though I am in the third trimester, sleep hasn’t been too hard to come by. (Jinx!) When I do wake up, I am usually able to get back to sleep without too much trouble. However, when I do have problems getting back to sleep, I’ve found a few sure fire strategies to help me back to dream land.

Here’s what works for me:

  1. Before bed time I enjoy a nice blend of herbs that promote sleep. Passion flower, Lemon Balm, Rose, Sweet Violet and Milky Oats ease my spirit so I can sleep. Hops has also helped me sleep too 🙂
  2. When tea is not enough, I take a dropper full of lemon balm tincture. In fact, I keep Lemon Balm tincture beside my bed. Just her presence eases my spirit.
  3. If I really can’t get back to sleep, I eat. Sometimes, I wake up because I am hungry. Usually enjoying a snack high in protein and fat helps send me back to sleep. (Think peanut butter or Babybel cheese!)
  4. Regular exercise helps me sleep too. My current yoga practice isn’t a very vigorous one, but I’ve noticed when I make an effort to take a walk I sleep much better. Somehow chasing a toddler around all day isn’t exhausting enough :p
  5. If none of this works, I enjoy being with me. Sometimes, I’m not awake for any other reason than I need to just be with myself. When I am not with my son, I am with my husband. When I am not with my husband, I am with the little one inside of me or on my way to sleep. Upon occasion, the still of the night is the only time I have to actually hear myself. I find when I actually make time to hear myself, I sleep well and have much more space for everyone else.
  6. Keeping a regular meditation practice has been helpful for my sleep as well. I find the more I create space to breath and clear my mind, the easier it is to let go and sleep. For me meditation is different than hearing myself. Hearing myself is a conversation with me. Meditation is me trying to hear God. It’s a different experience.

These five strategies have helped me sleep somewhat well through out pregnancy and some of motherhood. When none of the above works, I chalk it up to being pregnant and then masturbate. That is not a typo. Wanking really helps me sleep when all else fails. I love myself to sleep upon occasion. Pregnancy is a strange time. Even with the best preparations, things often do what they want.

Until next time…Take precious Care!

J

Now vs Then: My Prenatal Yoga Practice

I can’t help but notice the stark contrast between pregnancy #1 and pregnancy #2. No where is that contrast more evident than in my yoga practice.

For pregnancy #1 I was lucky enough to work with a friend who taught yoga. She crafted a number of simple practices to do each morning and evening. As my body evolved so did my prescribed yoga practice. At first, there were a number of standing postures meant to strengthen the back, square the hips and deepen the breath. Eventually, things mellowed to a seated sequence that centered around maha mudra and some pranayama.

My first pregnancy taught me a great deal about the subtitles of yoga. I learned that it’s the details of the practice that bring the greatest benefit. I also got to experience how applicable yoga can be. I found myself practicing pranayama in stressful situations, as I drove to the grocery store and when I couldn’t sleep. I feel like working with a teacher brought depth to my relationship to yoga. It was a truly lovely time.

Pregnancy #2 has been quite different. Working with a teacher this time was not an option. So, I did things for myself– which has been nice. In early pregnancy, when I wasn’t nauseous or tired I would do a 10 minute practice in the morning and evening. I found my choice in poses to be quite different from my previous pregnancy. However my practice still revolved around building strength in the back, refining the alignment of my hips and deepening  the breath. My evening practice consisted of simple seated postures and inversions. I’m still not sure how I found it to practice twice a day durning the first trimester while chasing a toddler all day, but odder things have happened.

As I turn the corner of six months, my practice has become much more simple. In the morning I do a short pranayama practice accompanied with a couple of seated postures. In addition to working on my back and hips, I also seek to lengthen my sides a bit. In the evening, I breathe deeply and go to bed 🙂

This time, I find myself focusing more on the practical aspects of my yoga practice. I notice what facilitates my general wellbeing and stick to that. My practice has become pleasureful and educational in a different way. This time, it’s not the details of practice that amaze me. What I am consistently surprised by is how my practice anchors me into life and sets the tone for my day.

Until next time..

Take Precious Care

J

Fear

Since my last post, we have moved to Bowie, MD. I am so in love with Bowie.  I love Bowie so much that it scares me.

Through a happy daze of settling in, I can’t shake this gnawing feeling that something is about to bust loose.  So, I do what I normally do when I am scared but don’t want to admit it. I nitpick. I thought a couple of spots on the walls were mold. They weren’t. Next, I decided to focus on the garden. Nothing but bunnies and butterflies there. Since that didn’t yield a proper emergency, I turn my attention to a couple of holes nestled close to the foundation in the back. Bingo! I have found an emergency.

There is a little mouse (update: chipmunk) burrow outside of our house. Mice were the reason we left the last place. In panic mode I call pest control. Not satisfied with the suggestions given, I explore all sorts of options for mouse exclusion. I ponder digging a trench across the back yard and placing hardware cloth against the foundation of the house. I ponder drenching the backyard in bob cat urine and peppermint. Then I *silently* ponder ripping out the sink and dishwasher to re-enforce the wall and floor.

After soaking my feet and talking with my husband, who is not ripping out the dishwasher to re-enforce the wall, I realize that I do not fear mice. I fear repeating my past. I fear deeply enjoying all the things that I have ever wanted only to have them ripped from me or fuck it all up myself.

The mice are outside. They are not in the house. My joy has not been violated or shit on. Should that happen, I need to realize that I can handle it. I can rebuild my boundaries and find my way back to happy. It may take a bit, but it is possible. I also need to realize that the past is the past. I’m not there, I am here and now.

All these realizations are cute, but not calming. So, what am I doing to work through the fear? I’m making a play date with little me. I have an idea where this originates. I am going  to talk to little me and see what can help her to stop being so afraid. I think I am also going to properly mourn the various losses of life that I’ve experienced.

Most of my freak outs are about unresolved childhood messes; which keeps me in the past. I can see how being fully grounded in the here and now really shifts my ability to deal with whatever is going on 🙂 Once I address little me,  can work on some mindful practices to keep me in the here and now.

Oh yeah and Hooray for Chipmunks!

Until next time.. Take precious care!

J

 

What you gonna do?… Nothin…

As I rolled over into a crazy bought of nausea coupled with some dizzy, I began to ponder what herbal and yogic combination I put together to make myself feel better.

I mean, I could double up on the ginger tea and introduce some peach leaves. I could do more standing postures. I have to research ways to rid myself of these… uncomfortable sensations that keep me on the couch watching Fixer Upper while my son runs around the room. I mean, I gotta do something.

Then the idea came to me. I will do nothing! I mean, pregnancy is not a disease. It won’t kill me. I’ll be uncomfortable for a while and then it will pass. Things will be okay.

If you are asking how that’s working for me, my head is swimming as I type :). But, I feel okay with this choice. I feel like being in my body, a pregnant body is an amazing miracle and I want to experience all I can.  I don’t want to dull or avoid any of the “symptoms of pregnancy” because this is my last go around. I want to enjoy every little bit of it.

I am also beginning to feel like life is to be experienced the good and the bad; the pleasant and the painful. For once I am fully here and now. I don’t want to miss a thing. Events come and go, what makes them beneficial to us is our ability to experience them fully.

I say this now. Who knows what tomorrow will bring 🙂

Until then.. take precious care!

J