Practicing Integrity: Nothing

And for this week’s practice, I intend to do nothing. That’s right! I’m doing not a god dang thing. Why, you may ask?

I’m doing nothin because it’s time to. All these new practices have brought me to a place where a bit of rest and reflection is needed. I want to breathe deeply to see what sticks and what doesn’t.

I’m also curious to see what happens when I actually just focus on being where I am at. I’m always doing eleventeen rituals, thirty five spells along with cleansing and protecting everything. Rather than push into something else I want to see what happens if I just breathe.

I’m curious <3

Last week’s practice went well and horribly at the same time. Additional meditation time did not happen. However, I did sit at my ancestral altar more; which was very very helpful. My ears and heart is full <3

Whatever comes up this week– may it bless you <3

Practicing Integrity: Honing my Intuition

There used to be a day and time, I could tell you almost anything. Past life, present life, your spouse, your cousin. Whatever it was, I could feel into it and tell you what you needed to know. Those days are gone.

Today, I’m happy to receive wisdom from the trees as I toddler chase. I’m not going to blame an intuitive loss on Motherhood. A good piece of it comes from being overwhelmed by all I sense around me. Running into untended anger, unhappy spirits and untended soul pieces that have been left to rot isn’t fun. It’s heavy. It hurts. However, it hurts more to not be able to hear and connect as I’d like.

This week, I’ll be focusing on honing my intuition. I’ll increase how long I meditate and spend more time at my ancestral altar. I’m curious to see what comes of these practices.

Last week’s exercise in gratitude was productive. The more thankful I am, the more I have to be thankful for. It’s amazing how positively life responds to just a little bit of gratitude.

Let’s see what the week brings <3

Practicing Integrity: No woman is an island

In this whole Mama gig I thought I was alone. And then for a minute, I was alone. I mean, I wasn’t totally alone. There just was a slight decrease in presence and support.

Now that things are back to normal, I can see how supported I was and am. The boys support me by helping around the house and not making crazy messes. My partner supports me by showing up. Life supports me by throwing blessings and joy my way when I least expect it.

This week, I’m expressing gratitude for the many ways in which I’m supported. I’m expecting a deeper sense of gratitude for the boys <3. Let’s see what comes up <3

Update: Practicing Integrity: Checking in

All my listening, breathing, and checking in led me to pain.  Pain that needed to be heard and honored. Pain that needed to offer wisdom. Friday night I fixed myself a gin and tonic, whipped out my journal and listened. To be honest, I’m still listening. There’s a lot to hear.

Given that I spent a great deal of the week building up to…. pain… I sucked at checking in. Instead of checking in, I was triggered and checked out. It was a stinky week, compounded by a lack of sleep. I don’t do well when the children don’t sleep.

This week, I look forward to coming back to myself by checking in more and napping <3

Let’s see what comes up <3

 

 

Practicing Integrity: Checking in

This week, my goal is to check in with myself more. I often beat myself up for not hearing my emotions, but I don’t really make great efforts to stop and hear them. I can notice when I am eating my emotions, or when I am projecting them. By then it’s a bit too late. I don’t want to continue to play catch up with myself.

To create more space to hear my emotions this week I’ll focus on:

1.  Remaining fully grounded and present in my body. When I can tangibly feel my emotions I often respond quickly and effectively.

2. Creating moments of quiet check in. This is a good opportunity to  introduce the boys to meditation. Even just taking a few deep breaths can help connect us to ourselves.

3. Take a moment before beginning to eat to check in. I often whiz through meal times when they are a great opportunity to fully engage the body <3

4. Go to the bathroom more and breathe deeply while I’m in there 🙂

Let’s see what happens next.

 

UPDATE: Practicing Integrity Protecting the Peace

This was an interesting week. The almost two year old now engages in deep breathing and is more willing to pick up his toys. The four year old actually had some quite chill moments. He also took to clearing his dishes from the table more often 🙂

I found that when I was committed to honoring my need for tranquility, the boys supported me.

I’m looking forward to finding more ways to peacefully parent 🙂

Until next time…

Don’t stop the feeling…

So… shit is hitting the fan again. Oddly enough no trees are involved. There are plenty of spiders and some cats, but no trees. I’d blame France but…. this was inevitable.

As I continue to wade through all the emotions that have surfaced ( because I actually seem to be listening) I’m realizing a few things:

1.  9 times out of 10 I usually know the truth about a situation. I either choose to deal with it or not. If I choose to ignore our truth it comes back to be dealt with later. When said truth comes back– it is often accompanied by anger and betrayal. It feels bad to know that I knew better and now others will suffer from my poor decisions.

2. Emotions are so helpful in moving energy. If you can hear what your emotions want from you, you know what you really want. Once you know what you want, you can focus on it and have it.

3. Sensitivity is a good thing. I often get cranky because I sense and know things. However, I’m learning that knowing helps me be more compassionate with others. Now, it doesn’t mean that I don’t get mad. But it does mean that I won’t be going to jail this week 🙂 It’s a miracle 🙂

We’ll see what comes from this. Hopefully some peace and ease <3

 

Practice in Integrity : Protecting the Peace

If you didn’t know, I am the mother of a 4 year old and an almost 2 year old. Life gets a little crazy. However, life does not have to be as crazy as I allow it to be. When I listen to myself there are little things I can do to that support the boys in growing up, while helping me create the serenity that I am missing.

My job this week is to remember the things that bring me serenity and parent in a way that protects those things.

For example, I love order. Instead of picking up all the toys all the time, I’m going to get the boys to do it. They are both capable. They need to learn to clean up after themselves more anyway.

I love clean. I’m going to ask the 4 year old for more help cleaning up. He’s capable of putting away his clean clothes and helping me to clear the dishes from the table.

I love peace. I’m going to institute some daily relaxation time, where we just breathe and be. Now, I don’t expect 30 minutes of meditation, but 5 minutes is a start.

This is a good start and a interesting practice <3 Let’s see where things go from here. Do you have anything important to you that you’d like to spend more time protecting? If so, what?

 

 

 

Practice in Integrity

All my work with the trees has brought me into deeper connection with myself. Its been amazing, but quite challenging. I’ve found that I am great at listening to everyone else’s voice but mine.  I can hear myself fine, but I don’t really listen. When I don’t honor my own wisdom chaos eventually ensues.

In hopes of increasing the peace, I’ve decided to focus on digging deeper into myself. For the next few weeks I’ll be practicing integrity. In this case, integrity means wholeness or unity. My intention is to bring a deeper sense of internal unity by honoring parts of me that I don’t listen to.

This will be an interesting journey. Let’s see what comes up.

An attempt at deeper integrity

This morning I woke up so mad. I would love to act like I didn’t know why I woke up so angry, but I can’t.  See what had happened was, someone told me something I had a clue about, but I refused to see. (Yes, Spider showed up to laugh and point at me.) As I continue to process what I was told, I want to kick my own ass for not listening to myself over the years.

Sadly there is no space for kicking my own ass these days, so here’s what I’ve learned from this joyful little experience:

1. Just because I choose to ignore my emotions, doesn’t mean they go away. They resurface covered in anger, frustration and hurt. Who wants to be ignored– especially when you are trying to help?

2. If I am focused on someone or something else, I am stuck and not really honoring my feelings. Who or whatever is usually a good clue about what my feelings are showing me. My feelings bring me closer to myself. They do not pit me against others.

3. The more I give myself space to feel and honor my emotions, the easier to support others in the same process. I notice that I am a much more patient mother when I listen to myself. The boys are usually easier on me too <3

All this anger has brought me closer to myself. By rooting into the feelings underneath my anger,  I’ve been reminded that I need to better respond to my intuitive nudges. When I feel something is off– I need to lean into why. Even if I don’t want anything to be off.