I can’t believe it. I mean I get like this, but dang. It’s been too long. Since the last time I’ve written here’s what’s happened:
- I fell in love with the Marne (a local river). I miss being closer to the Marne. It’s magical.
- I had a brief flirtation with IFA. I’m not cut out for it, but it was affirming in different ways.
- We moved… we need to stop moving so dang much…
- I’ve had some lovely adventures in working my juju. There is a difference in working with plants for something I want for the family vs personal development. It’s been fun experiencing that difference.
- My clairvoyance has reemerged. (I usually hear or know.) The local wild flowers are sharpening my vision while playing coy. It’s fun and exciting <3
And that’s about it. Thankfully, the children should be going to school soon. There will be more space for writing, visiting the Marne and breathing. Here’s to being here again soon <3 Hope life has been good to you!
Our move from Bowie, Maryland to St. Maur des Fosses France has kicked my ass in so many ways. I cannot even begin to describe it. Instead, I will describe how I know that I’m doing better.
1. I’m eating more and more of my favorite foods. No, not the sugary foods that I wake up at 3am to eat by myself. I’m talking about the foods that bring and keep me fully into the present moment because I love them so much <3 The foods that I love and the boys seem to love too.
2. I’m back to my daily herbal concoctions. If I’m not drinking something that smells green and has a story, I’m not myself. Nettles and I have been hanging out lately. It’s glorious.
3. I’m serious about getting my greens in. At some point, a switch flipped and I started enjoying greens. The f-ed up thing is, I can’t find them here. So, I’ve started drinking green food smoothies. It’s not as fun as collards and turnips. I gotta do what I gotta do though.
There are other indicators including better sleep and weight loss. But the difference in my eating habits is what really grabs me.
Let’s see where this leads <3
Have a delicious week <3
For the past few days, I’ve been doing spiritual baths in the evening. I’m on day six of nine and there have been quite a few subtle changes. I feel much calmer and more like myself than I have in a very long time. I received some advice from my Father and my Paternal Grandmother that I’d like to share, but a little context is necessary first.
As a psychic, I tend to get confused as to whether what I sense is actually mine or not. Much that I have been experiencing, feeling and carrying over the years has not been mine. It’s belonged to my ancestors, my parents, my race, my homies etc… So, as I continue to peel back layers of emotions and habits it’s interesting to start getting backstory as to why I’ve been feeling certain ways.
To make this process a little easier I’ve been advised to step back from my emotions as they bubble up. Stepping back allows me to acknowledge that I am feeling something, but this something may or may not be me. Mostly, things have not been mine at all. This process has been helpful in clarifying where my ancestors experience ends and I begin.
All these practices lead somewhere. Let’s see what comes up next <3
I hope the week has been good to you <3
And for this week’s practice, I intend to do nothing. That’s right! I’m doing not a god dang thing. Why, you may ask?
I’m doing nothin because it’s time to. All these new practices have brought me to a place where a bit of rest and reflection is needed. I want to breathe deeply to see what sticks and what doesn’t.
I’m also curious to see what happens when I actually just focus on being where I am at. I’m always doing eleventeen rituals, thirty five spells along with cleansing and protecting everything. Rather than push into something else I want to see what happens if I just breathe.
I’m curious <3
Last week’s practice went well and horribly at the same time. Additional meditation time did not happen. However, I did sit at my ancestral altar more; which was very very helpful. My ears and heart is full <3
Whatever comes up this week– may it bless you <3
There used to be a day and time, I could tell you almost anything. Past life, present life, your spouse, your cousin. Whatever it was, I could feel into it and tell you what you needed to know. Those days are gone.
Today, I’m happy to receive wisdom from the trees as I toddler chase. I’m not going to blame an intuitive loss on Motherhood. A good piece of it comes from being overwhelmed by all I sense around me. Running into untended anger, unhappy spirits and untended soul pieces that have been left to rot isn’t fun. It’s heavy. It hurts. However, it hurts more to not be able to hear and connect as I’d like.
This week, I’ll be focusing on honing my intuition. I’ll increase how long I meditate and spend more time at my ancestral altar. I’m curious to see what comes of these practices.
Last week’s exercise in gratitude was productive. The more thankful I am, the more I have to be thankful for. It’s amazing how positively life responds to just a little bit of gratitude.
Let’s see what the week brings <3
In this whole Mama gig I thought I was alone. And then for a minute, I was alone. I mean, I wasn’t totally alone. There just was a slight decrease in presence and support.
Now that things are back to normal, I can see how supported I was and am. The boys support me by helping around the house and not making crazy messes. My partner supports me by showing up. Life supports me by throwing blessings and joy my way when I least expect it.
This week, I’m expressing gratitude for the many ways in which I’m supported. I’m expecting a deeper sense of gratitude for the boys <3. Let’s see what comes up <3
All my listening, breathing, and checking in led me to pain. Pain that needed to be heard and honored. Pain that needed to offer wisdom. Friday night I fixed myself a gin and tonic, whipped out my journal and listened. To be honest, I’m still listening. There’s a lot to hear.
Given that I spent a great deal of the week building up to…. pain… I sucked at checking in. Instead of checking in, I was triggered and checked out. It was a stinky week, compounded by a lack of sleep. I don’t do well when the children don’t sleep.
This week, I look forward to coming back to myself by checking in more and napping <3
Let’s see what comes up <3
This week, my goal is to check in with myself more. I often beat myself up for not hearing my emotions, but I don’t really make great efforts to stop and hear them. I can notice when I am eating my emotions, or when I am projecting them. By then it’s a bit too late. I don’t want to continue to play catch up with myself.
To create more space to hear my emotions this week I’ll focus on:
1. Remaining fully grounded and present in my body. When I can tangibly feel my emotions I often respond quickly and effectively.
2. Creating moments of quiet check in. This is a good opportunity to introduce the boys to meditation. Even just taking a few deep breaths can help connect us to ourselves.
3. Take a moment before beginning to eat to check in. I often whiz through meal times when they are a great opportunity to fully engage the body <3
4. Go to the bathroom more and breathe deeply while I’m in there 🙂
Let’s see what happens next.
This was an interesting week. The almost two year old now engages in deep breathing and is more willing to pick up his toys. The four year old actually had some quite chill moments. He also took to clearing his dishes from the table more often 🙂
I found that when I was committed to honoring my need for tranquility, the boys supported me.
I’m looking forward to finding more ways to peacefully parent 🙂
Until next time…
So… shit is hitting the fan again. Oddly enough no trees are involved. There are plenty of spiders and some cats, but no trees. I’d blame France but…. this was inevitable.
As I continue to wade through all the emotions that have surfaced ( because I actually seem to be listening) I’m realizing a few things:
1. 9 times out of 10 I usually know the truth about a situation. I either choose to deal with it or not. If I choose to ignore our truth it comes back to be dealt with later. When said truth comes back– it is often accompanied by anger and betrayal. It feels bad to know that I knew better and now others will suffer from my poor decisions.
2. Emotions are so helpful in moving energy. If you can hear what your emotions want from you, you know what you really want. Once you know what you want, you can focus on it and have it.
3. Sensitivity is a good thing. I often get cranky because I sense and know things. However, I’m learning that knowing helps me be more compassionate with others. Now, it doesn’t mean that I don’t get mad. But it does mean that I won’t be going to jail this week 🙂 It’s a miracle 🙂
We’ll see what comes from this. Hopefully some peace and ease <3