If you didn’t know, I am the mother of a 4 year old and an almost 2 year old. Life gets a little crazy. However, life does not have to be as crazy as I allow it to be. When I listen to myself there are little things I can do to that support the boys in growing up, while helping me create the serenity that I am missing.
My job this week is to remember the things that bring me serenity and parent in a way that protects those things.
For example, I love order. Instead of picking up all the toys all the time, I’m going to get the boys to do it. They are both capable. They need to learn to clean up after themselves more anyway.
I love clean. I’m going to ask the 4 year old for more help cleaning up. He’s capable of putting away his clean clothes and helping me to clear the dishes from the table.
I love peace. I’m going to institute some daily relaxation time, where we just breathe and be. Now, I don’t expect 30 minutes of meditation, but 5 minutes is a start.
This is a good start and a interesting practice <3 Let’s see where things go from here. Do you have anything important to you that you’d like to spend more time protecting? If so, what?
All my work with the trees has brought me into deeper connection with myself. Its been amazing, but quite challenging. I’ve found that I am great at listening to everyone else’s voice but mine. I can hear myself fine, but I don’t really listen. When I don’t honor my own wisdom chaos eventually ensues.
In hopes of increasing the peace, I’ve decided to focus on digging deeper into myself. For the next few weeks I’ll be practicing integrity. In this case, integrity means wholeness or unity. My intention is to bring a deeper sense of internal unity by honoring parts of me that I don’t listen to.
This will be an interesting journey. Let’s see what comes up.
This morning I woke up so mad. I would love to act like I didn’t know why I woke up so angry, but I can’t. See what had happened was, someone told me something I had a clue about, but I refused to see. (Yes, Spider showed up to laugh and point at me.) As I continue to process what I was told, I want to kick my own ass for not listening to myself over the years.
Sadly there is no space for kicking my own ass these days, so here’s what I’ve learned from this joyful little experience:
1. Just because I choose to ignore my emotions, doesn’t mean they go away. They resurface covered in anger, frustration and hurt. Who wants to be ignored– especially when you are trying to help?
2. If I am focused on someone or something else, I am stuck and not really honoring my feelings. Who or whatever is usually a good clue about what my feelings are showing me. My feelings bring me closer to myself. They do not pit me against others.
3. The more I give myself space to feel and honor my emotions, the easier to support others in the same process. I notice that I am a much more patient mother when I listen to myself. The boys are usually easier on me too <3
All this anger has brought me closer to myself. By rooting into the feelings underneath my anger, I’ve been reminded that I need to better respond to my intuitive nudges. When I feel something is off– I need to lean into why. Even if I don’t want anything to be off.
For the longest time, I swore Mother Nature was just bees, trees and flowers. Over time, I have come to experience her as much more. In this moment, I perceive Mother Nature as a direct manifestation of the cosmic void from which all life comes.
Mother Nature is a loving force that bring us all together in unity. She loves, she restores, she nurtures and she minds each one of us. Mother Nature does all she can to remove all obstacles to the void/God expressing through us.
Our individual expressions, in all their variety, is her goal because every expression is valid and needed. In essence returning to Mother Nature is a kin to returning to a larger self. That larger self is the void and the Mother Nature is really the harmonious expression of every being on this planet.
Despite what I may think or how I feel, every expression has it’s own place, space and purpose in creation. I’m working on the human practicalities of all this. When I see evil and feel other folk’s pain I don’t understand why it’s necessary for pain and evil exist. However, the more I witness people returning to Mother Nature by connecting to plants or animals I can see that all problems can be solved by reconnection. Pain and evil can bring you back to yourself. You returning to yourself and being yourself is Mother Nature.
If we all felt in harmony and unity with ourselves and each other— would there be a need for violence? If we all felt like who we are is needed, welcome, loved and cherished would so many of us be in pain? I have no idea.
However, I do believe, if we returned to Nature, each of us would find our place. Things would be better– or at least this is what I’ve seen and experienced.
For the past week, I’ve continued to focus on hearing space. In short, I’ve been doing the best I can to find the peace within the chaos. This week has been challenging, but here’s what I’ve gleaned:
1. Voices have increased and identified themselves as elements and various trees I’ve met. I’m quite entertained because, I’m starting to physically hear what usually comes to me as knowing.
2. The void is unity. Everything comes from it and returns to it. All that ever was and ever will be resides in that space.
3. The more I listen to what’s seemingly outside of me, the more I can actually hear myself. It’s often been a challenge for me to hear myself clearly. I often hear everything else but me.
4. The neighborhood cat has started talking to me. I don’t understand it fully yet, but we’ll see. Stranger things have happened to me than talking cats.
This week I’d like play more in the void and see what comes up and out. I am curious to better understand the link between the void and this realm. I have a feeling the answer is somewhere in my body. We’ll see what happens.
One day, A tree said that I needed to root and ground into my treeness. The idea made not a damn lick of sense at the time, but slowly grew on me. It’s a beautiful thing to stay rooted and grounded in the essence of who you are; allowing your essence to blossom forth as your expression. It’s an ideal way of being.
How to remain connected with and rooted into my essence never seemed clear to me. Upon expressing my confusion, I was told to drink more water. Water would teach me how to stay in myself no matter what surrounds me. I drank water. I better understood the tree’s advice but, I was still having trouble physically applying the wisdom I was given.
Then shit happened and I fell off the face of the Earth 🤷🏿♀️
Three months later I feel closer to my treeness. The missing part was my emotions as a com link.
Emotions help me stay in integrity. They speak from the core of my being; helping me understand what needs to stay, what needs to go, and what I need more of. I cannot practice treeness- staying rooted and grounded in the essence of who I am without honoring my own internal communication system.
Das it. I just need to hear myself and honor my emotions.
As I honor my own emotions, it feels easier to accept others without being responsible for their happiness. What other people do is about them and their emotions. It’s not about me. What matters is that I remain rooted and grounded in myself. Whatever pops up I can navigate by being honest with myself and having faith in Mother Nature.
Honoring my emotions seems to allow for my needs always being met. Since I can be honest with my about what I need I can more easily receive it. It may not come as I expect but my needs are and always have been met.
In the past couple of weeks spider has come to visit a few times. It’s not been in one of her more cute and cuddly forms, either. What’s been showing up is quite large and gnarly. After a chat with a friend and a little bit of introspection, Spider reminds me of all the things that I’m not seeing.
Connecting with the silence between chaotic events is helpful. However, there are things that I know and see without doing all of that. When I am just open present and doing nothing, I see and know powerfully. It’s who I am. However Spider is reminding me of all I am choosing not to see. I’m choosing not to see because what I see hurts.
There’s a great deal of intuition I’ve shut off because I’m overwhelmed by pain that isn’t mine. Some of it belongs to people close to me. Some of it is in the air. I can’t deny that it hurts deeply to know that so many around me are in pain. I can’t touch, absorb, or transmute this pain because it’s not mine. This hurts because transforming pain into joy is what I do.
So, what do I do now? I have no damn idea! I just know that I need to do something different. Being shut down sucks!
Thankfully there is space today to connect more with Spider and My Ancestors. I’m sure someone has something interesting to say <3
Until next time.. take precious care!
Seeking the silence mentioned in the previous post has been amazing. The more I seek it, the more I hear it. Here is what I’ve noticed over the past few days:
The more I seek that space the more things re-arrange themselves for me to connect with it. Children stop talking. Husbands peacefully leave the apartment. Traffic slows down. It’s wild.
This space sounds different with my left ear than with my right. The left ear sounds/feel likes a portal to some cosmic void. I can feel things stirring, pressing their way into reality. When I focus enough sound becomes a physical sensation. This is new for me. I’m used to voices, impressions, vision and knowing– not physical feeling. My right ear hears the silence of the green–not the cosmic void. Normally I don’t hear things that way. My right ear chills on my head. My left ear does the spiritual lifting.
My challenge for the week: Keep listening! Keep noticing! I’m curious to see if I can find the space where the cosmic void and the Green connect <3
Until next time, Take precious care
Earlier this week, a new Voice popped up. I hear lots of things. Trees, cats, hidden folk, plants… But this voice was new and said the most interesting thing.
The voice told me that there is a way to keep my ears and heart open even when life gets demanding. It said I needed to hear the silence behind the chaos of life. This silence is the organizing principle of life. It is the void from which we all come. If I root myself in that silence I’ll find stability by understanding how things work and being able to better discern what’s coming.
The voice also suggested enjoying the peace between chaotic events. If I seek the peace between events, I will be more rested. Although my energy will be ebb and flow, I will be more harmonious with the land I live on and the flow of my life.
The interesting thing is, that ever since that voice spoke I can hear the silence behind everything. It’s more distinguishable when everyone is sleeping or I’m not agitated. However, I’m noticing that silence is always there– even in the midst of chaos.
I also love the idea of enjoying peace when it comes. I have a habit of being on all the time. Part of it is being a mother to two young boys, but another part is just me. I need to better discern when I can turn off and turn off.
I have a feeling this is a reconnection challenge and that I should really focus on this for the next week. But, we are on the last week of holidays in France <3 I’m going to be a wee lazy and come back to this next week <3
Until next time, take precious care
Well, see what had happened was… a lot of shit.. No really, a lot of shit happened. It got a little crazy and I stopped connecting. I stopped connecting because I forgot to breathe. I had no space to breathe. It was painful. It still is a little painful.
Oddly enough, the few moments when I did have space breathe, I was filled with such loving wisdom. It was amazing.
What I’ve learned this summer, is that it’s important to breathe. It’s important to relax. When I breathe and relax I can hear. When I can hear, I can make honest decisions that work for me and my family.
I’ll pick up the reconnection series in a bit. But for now, I’m going to breathe and receive all the wisdom Nature has to offer me today <3
Be good to yourself