Mommying Mommy: And on the inside I wig out

At a Mocha Mom’s meeting.. told to calm down.. it reminded me that there are things I can do (outside of taking copius teas and shit) to be less anxious. Going warp speed on 10 is my choice… I really can stop..

How? I can pay attention to things that cause me anxiety.. like say.. taking 10 million pregnancy tests.. and stop doing that shit right there…stuff like..doing shit I don’t want to do to be a martyr.. having crazy stupid expectations of myself. Stuff like that..

Paying attention doesn’t mean I’ll stop, but it means that I’ll at least see my own crazy making and know I can quit when I want to hahahahaha! 😉

The funny thing about this is there is shit I can’t control. The shit like.. will my child get into this expensive, hippy bougie preschool.. will this hippy bougie preschool give my child money to attend….will there be brown little boys like my son at this hippy bougie preschool, will my 1099’s arrive soon, how many people will show up to class this weekend… and on and on

There is crazy making that is my own doing, I can admit that. I am just wondering what to do about the shit I can’t do anything about. My usual plans of taking pre-emptive care of myself by randomly saying fuck it to everything fell through when I had a baby 😀 I don’t know what to do now i have no new tricks… How do I function within all of this mess?

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