So, I have some questions…
What do I do when I realize that the ways in which my husband “hurts” my feelings is more about what I’m not doing for myself than what he’s not doing for me? Suddenly, I can see how most of my issues with him have always been about my lack of self regard. He’s shown me how to love me better.
What do I do when I realize that many of the things that I need to do for my own sanity I never learned how to do? I see resentment at the boys and frustration with Motherhood starting to raise it’s ugly head. How can I really resent them when I am busy hiding behind them? Mothering is a thing, but my work comes easy to me. I can do much more than I am currently doing without too much trouble.
What I am I supposed to do now that I realize that I am parenting the boys the way I wished that I was parented? I tell one truths he may not be ready for. The other one I won’t let out of my sight. I’m not sure three year olds are ready to understand colorism and the other one needs to learn how to nap alone. Why am I not considering who they are at the soul level (er whatever that shit really means) more? Meh.
It’s beautiful to realize these things, but I’m not quite sure what to do with them. How do I apply this wisdom? Do I pray to Mother Earth for help and then look appropriate flower essences? Is this something my ancestors can help me with? Can I magic my way out of this? Should I search for appropriate soul pieces from previous lifetimes to help or contact my future self? Damn, what do I actually have time, money and energy to do?
*Sigh* I have no idea what to do. All I know is that the eighth month old is fussing while the toddler is engaging in water play. No one has had a nap. Hopefully the calvary (hubby) is on his way home soon.
Hooray for eclipse season…kinda 🙂
Take precious care