Still in the body: Not really

You know what, I’ve been so very well behaved lately. These past few days, it kinda went to shit though. I was triggered a few times and I did not take proper care of myself. I didn’t take time to remind myself I am no longer a child. Nor did I ask for any of the support and space I needed.

I did what I normally do when I wig out. I cooked a bunch a food and then proceeded to eat bullshit. Eating sugary bullshit usually makes me even more crazy because I find it harder to ground when high on sugar. Through out all of the fight starting crazy I didn’t even practice a lick of yoga. No child’s pose. No chair pose, No warrior… no nothing. I’m a mess.

For the past few days I have been floating around in a daze. But, a few things are helping me get back into my body and fully engage life.

  1. I finally got to hang out with my son. I swear every night, that kid hangs the stars in the sky. It’s so very lovely to be around him. And when he isn’t easing into the terrible two’s he makes being present, grounded and fully engaged easy and fun.
  2. I felt things that bring me life. When I say I felt them, I mean I thought about and imagined them until I could feel my body light up from the inside out. It’s a cool feeling 🙂
  3. I finally got my ass on my yoga mat. When I practice I am in my body and I have space to not be so.. floaty 🙂 It’s one of the places I feel safe. Besides, it’s dangerous to be outside your body while on your mat. That’s when you injure yourself.

I am still working on re-engaging myself fully. However, I am noticing that when I feel excess anxiety or fear I am outside my body. I also am noticing the difference of how I interact with other when I am in my body vs elsewhere. When I am grounded and present I can listen to others even though we may disagree. When I am outside my body, I am volatile because everything reminds me of some distant memory.

Although this sucks ass I can say this has been quite educational. We’ll see what comes up next week!

Take Precious Care,

J

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