You ever get mad about something only to realize that you aren’t really mad about what you thought you were mad about? You are actually mad about something that happened years ago. Something that you want to be over, but some how you can’t get over it. Besides, it feels too fricking good to be angry and self-righteous about it. I mean hey— you have a right to your anger!
I’m there. I am so there. No matter how much I try to “be spiritual” about it. No matter how much I try to be mature about it. No matter how much I try to just get the fuck over it. I don’t let go. I don’t get un angry about it. I can’t get un angry about it. I mean who would I become if I were to be un angry?
I know (mentally) that I can choose to feel something else other than anger. I could choose compassion. I could choose love. I could choose joy. Hell, I could choose to work towards resolution! I could expand my heart and vision into something beautifully new. I love new! But naw, I’d rather stay stuck in anger. This anger suits me and has been with me for so long. Why change? I know how this isht works. Babies grow, I want to stay the same some how.
However, this anger keeps me stuck and I hate being stuck. Sigh, but that’s where I am for now 🙁
Until next time…Take Precious Care