The more I commit myself to fully being in my body, the more I see how badly I treat myself when I am in my body. It ranges from small things like eating gluten when I know my immune system is already struggling and my digestion is sluggish, to large things like not honoring my need for tranquility and taking on things I don’t want to do. There are a million little ways that I disregard my own wisdom, violate my own boundaries and generally fuck myself up only to blame others in anger.
It’s odd. My behavior hasn’t really changed much since my commitment to being more present and engaged in my body. I can just better see how I create my own pain. I understand why I am so dreamy. If I don’t honor my own boundaries and have faith in my internal guidance why even try to engage life? I’m not really living. Fuck it, let’s read manga and watch bullshit all day. I am not really expressing myself anyway; I am only doing/being what others want with the hopes of being loved. Am I really being loved (or being loving) if I am not being myself?
The good thing about this depressing ass turd sandwich is that I can now see how I sabotage myself and my relationship with my body (or myself). Since I know how I am hurting myself, I can make different decisions and give myself grace when I don’t. Knowing is half the battle 🙂
I so want to leave this in a little “everything will be alright” bow 🙂 It will be alright. Over the past week or so I’ve started working with Wild Rose Flower Essence from Green Hope Farm. I feel more of myself in my body. I feel stronger, more present and much more compassionate. Slowly and surely I will unravel and love my hurt. I’ll get there. We all do.
Until next time.. Take Precious Care!
Why Rose in November? Rose is perfect for November because we all could use loving compassion to guide us through the darkness into the light of Spring. We all need help being loving to ourselves and each other as we enter a time of year that can bring great joy and great pain at the same time. It’s hard to remember that we are all struggling in one way or another, when you are in pain. Rose will help ease your pain so you can be kind to yourself and others.
Rose connects us to the divine love that lies within and all around us. Rose brings us back to center; where we can nourish and care for ourselves as we prepare for the dark, challenging times of life. More than any other friend, Rose helps me remember that there is more than enough love in every moment. The challenge is to open to it. As long as I am open, I will have all I need.
However, Rose reminds me that love does not mean being a sucker. It’s very important to have strong clear boundaries to remain safe whole and sane. Rose has a bigs strong heart, but also comes with very large thorns to protect herself with. I often ask for Rose’s assistance when I need to protect myself, in a loving yet clear way.
Hanging out with roses is a great way to connect with her. Rose hip tea is also a great way to reach the essence of Rose; although I am fond of taking a rose tincture first thing in the morning. If you are a fan of flower essences, Green Hope Farm has quite a collection to explore.
Be good to yourself and each other 🙂
A single star’s shining brilliance illuminating the darkness. I fucking love jasmine. I love jasmine in the way that I love everything, because she loves like that too! It’s an intense, passionate, brilliantly, burning love that shines from the inside out. There is no darkness in light. And in light there is only God; that is Jasmine!
The first time I consciously worked with Jasmine, I was hanging out in Beltsville, MD. I had purchased some jasmine essential oil from the Silver Fox metaphysical shop in Laurel and decided that I needed to bathe in it. So, I did. Jasmine made me feel hiiiiiiiiiiggggghhhhhh. High like I had expanded outside of myself into this vast cosmos of being that included all things. The funny thing was that as I expanded, I still was myself, but a larger greater, grander, more hooked up version of myself. It was awesome, beautiful and made my bleak situation much brighter.
Today, Jasmine flower essence is in my cabinet and we play in the morning. When she sits on my tongue, she reminds me that I have the most intoxicating scent and presence. She says that this scent and presence must be shared with the world. As she blossoms in beauty, safety and serenity I can and must as well.
My God I love Jasmine. She is the friend who reminds me that being who I am and how I am is beautiful. She whispers into my ear that God don’t make junk and that the sun eventually burns through the clouds. So must I. Jasmine connects me to the part of me that Divinely enchanting and intoxicating; that space that attracts me to what I most want and need and in life. She excites me and incites me to chorus.
My Dearest Star burning in the darkness; illuminating all being. Jasmine, for you, I write this entry. When you need her most, may she find you 🙂
Image used under license from Dreamstime.com