One morning, I woke up with the inspiration that I have given special meaning to events in my life that maybe don’t mean what I think they do.
No, that’s a lie. This inspiration came from Karen C.L. Anderson’s work. I guess this somehow proves the point. Everyday things happen. I ascribe meaning to these things that happen. Oddly enough, the meaning I ascribe to things often fit a narrative. If I choose to see things from a different light, I can shift the way I perceive myself and my life. I can begin to shift my narrative.
Now, I am not talking about selling myself horse shit in guise of fudge. I am talking about seeing the past from an adult’s perspective rather than that of a child’s. The pain, frustration and anger are still there and reasonable given the circumstances. However, there is a context that provides space for compassion and lightness that wasn’t there before.
It feels so soothing. Like peanut butter, I want to slather my new perspective all over my bitterness in hopes of creating something delicious. I can’t lie. I’ve found some yummy, but I’ve also come to see myself quite differently. I don’t feel like such a fuck up anymore. I just feel lost and forever in an odd space of transition. The messed up thing is, I can see where I lost myself too. It’s sad to see. But it also means that I can find myself again too 🙂
If anything, Motherhood gives you many opportunities to recreate and transform as your kids do. In fact, I feel like being a mother demands it in some ways. We’ll see what comes up next. Until next time…
Take precious care!
For the past couple of weeks, I have been enjoying grounding myself in the morning. I wake up, call all of me into my body. Ask whatever ain’t mine to leave and then proceed to ground my chakras, and protect my auric field.
This has been awesome! I feel much more connected and integrated with my body, the land around me and the house I live in 🙂 I can hear more, which is helpful although sometimes overwhelming. Being clairaudient is another post all together.
Any who, my ground practice changed when we went to Paris to visit family. In France, I didn’t need to ground. All I did was check all was connected and aligned. That’s all that was needed. I was chilling and at peace in my body! The same was true when we visited Montpellier in the South. In France I was at ease in my body and connected to the Earth in a natural way that didn’t require constant upkeep.
Now that I am back in the US, I find it easier to ground myself than when I left. But, I have to keep a closer watch. I am much more prone to popping out of myself here. I am much more fearful and anxious here. To be honest, I felt so much fear about returning to the US, I didn’t want to come back.
My fear and anxiety have a few sources. I am black. That’s enough to be anxious about things these day. However, the root of my anxiety is in the trauma I’ve experienced here while growing up. I am still actively working through it while still figuring out how to cope with triggers. Even though there were quite a few triggers in France, I could actually see why I was triggered, address it and return to calm quickly there. Here in the US, I fear that I won’t be as swiftly effective. Not to mention, France feels like a free zone. I am far away from what terrorizes me in the US. An ocean of distance is quite different than a trip down the road.
There seems to be a few keys to being in the US safely and calmly in my body. First, I feel like it’s important to honor my anxiety and fear. They are justified 🙂 Second, I need to change how I interact with myself and others. I need to live and be in a way that allows me to be safe. Third I need to cultivate a deeper relationship with my body and emotions. Both my body and emotions let me know when I am in danger. Rather than seeking to silence my fear and anxiety I can learn to embrace and hear them. I can honor their purpose and move from there.
We’ll see what unfolds from here 🙂 Take Precious Care of you!
I am working my way through the book: Healing Trauma, by Peter A. Levine. Reading this book is a helpful kick in the head. Much of it is repackaged stuff I learned from the Earth while in Portland, Oregon and Montpellier, France. If anything, this book is teaching me to better honor the wisdom I receive from the Earth. I forget things when I move 🙁
Levine offers an exercise where you track sensation in the body. He suggests grounding, and fully entering your body. Then focusing on an object of safety, like a picture, or a stone, or a friend. Next he suggests alternating your focus between your object of safety and sensation in your body.
I found this practice helpful because it brought me into my body to actually listen; not just to be there. (I need purpose for doing things, otherwise I don’t do them.) It’s been so long since I actually cultivated a relationship with my body outside of keeping it clean, fed, and sexed. It was nice to feel tension in certain parts and then receive wisdom as how to best relieve the tension. My body told me why certain parts hurt they way they do and how to better balance my own energy. I have a better understanding of what’s going on with my body and why. I love understanding 🙂
However, I would not have been able to do this practice without having spent a few weeks fully grounding my chakras and my self every morning. Grounding brought me into contact with my body and the Earth. It’s hard to know what is going on in a house until you enter it and spend some time there. I am finding the same is true with my body.
This has been very productive. I look forward to building a better relationship with my body. I know it’s wisdom will support me in living more peacefully.